Hold My Hand
by SilverMooonshine
Summary: James had spent the past 6-and-a-bit year trying to get closer to Lily, but maybe opening up his heart would be the key to unlocking hers... Fluffy Jily OneShot :)


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, places or generally the wonderful world of Harry Potter, they are all the product of the fantastical mind of J K Rowling**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfiction, and it's something I've been meaning to start for a while now, so reviews would be much appreciated and I shall be sending telepathic hugs to all those who can give me any constructive criticism or even just to let me know they liked it!**

* * *

James was beginning to regret ever deciding to take Care of Magical Creatures at NEWT level; on top of being an exceptionally boring subject taught by Professor Kettleburn, who was of dubious sanity and often liked to keep his students on their toes with his little 'experiments', it was always so bloody cold! Not to mention the fact that after three years of learning to become an animagus, albeit illegally, he had a better than average knowledge of certain animals. What's more, they were all infinitely more interesting than porlocks.

Not that he was exactly concentrating on the old professor's lecture on these fine, shaggy creatures; there was a much more interesting sight for him to be examining. He watched her as she watched the little eight-fingered thing squirm in Kettleburn's grasp. Because despite how much he had denied the fact to his friends, the only reason he'd chosen to take this blasted subject in the first place was to spend time with Lily Evans.

After three months of classes on pixies, blast-ended skrewts and werewolves (which, by the way, he has attended despite being something of an expert on the subject) however, he was still no closer to talking to her. Sure, she wasn't as icy cold as she'd been to him just last year, but her attitude towards him was not one that could be described as _friendly_. He'd thought becoming Head Boy might have had some perks, but apparently not.

"Porlocks are commonly used in the wizarding world to guard horses, and therefore are normally found living in stables…"

James let the professor's voice drone on as he zoned out and watched as a strand of Lily's hair was tugged from behind her ear by the bitter breeze, and gently caressed her neck before she secured it back in place with a distracted brush of her hand. How is it that he was now jealous of a strand of hair? James didn't even have time to consider the question as he once more became distracted by the fact that, after having tucked her hair away, he now had an unobstructed view of her beautiful face. No matter how much he studied it he could always find a new beautiful feature that he hadn't spotted. Today it was the delicate flush that the cold had brought out in her cheeks, totally making up for the fact that he was out here shivering in the morning frost at the end of November.

He was woken from his pleasant daydreams by the sudden realisation that everyone around him was gathering there things and moving off. _Crap, it's not the end of the lesson, what the hell's going on?_ He scrambled to collect his things, succeeding in dropping all of his books from his bag and smashing a brand new inkpot on the frozen ground. He saw the rest of the class moving off towards the forest in his peripheral vision, but what caught his eye was a certain redhead glancing back and casting an amused smirk his way before flouncing off to catch up with the rest of the group. The sight made him drop his books all over again.

Professor Kettleburn merely raised an eyebrow when he came dashing over a few minutes later (although truly this was all he was capable of as the other one had been singed off years before in a mysterious incident that was rumoured to involve a Swedish Short-Snout), and carried on with his speech.

"I thought I should warn you before we enter here," he said, indicating the Forbidden Forest behind him with his remaining good arm, "This is one of the most dangerous sections of the forest. It is here that outcast centaurs roam, and I can tell you from personal experience that centaurs are rarely in a good mood even when they haven't been rejected by the herd. We will be studying how their behaviour has adapted to enable them to survive alone over the next few weeks."

An excited murmur went around the class, one that James definitely didn't partake in, and Professor Kettleburn waited for it to die down before continuing.

"As a special treat because the weather is ideal, I have spoken to your professors and they have allowed you to spend this morning with me making a start on the project, on the condition that you catch up with all of their classes in your own time."

James groaned inwardly. The extra work wasn't the problem, he'd never had any issues with workload and having Remus as a best friend definitely helped, but the thought of spending the next four hours in the Forest surrounded by murderous centaurs wasn't exactly thrilling. Although another hour with Lily, especially after the look she'd gave him earlier, along with the possibility of rescuing her from a life threatening situation… Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

He was so lost in thought that it took him a moment to register that the figure wandering towards him was the exact same person he'd been staring at all morning, the one he was having extremely inappropriate thoughts about right that second. It took him a split second to regain his composure, but he'd soon fixed on his most charming smile. He ran his hand through his hair, noticing that her brilliant green eyes tracked his hand as it moved, accompanied by the smallest twitch at the corner of her mouth.

"Don't think I didn't see you hanging back there, Potter," she grinned. He flushed, tripping over his tongue in his haste to explain. "Afraid of the forbidden forest?" she continued to tease. "I can hold your hand if you scared…" With a wink and a turn on her heel, she was gone.

James stood and stared, unable to comprehend what had just taken place. Was Lily Evans _flirting_ with him? One thing was for certain, he wasn't just going to stand here and wait and see. He wound his scarf more tightly round his neck and hurried off into the forest.

* * *

_Well, _James thought as he made his way back to the castle hours later, covered in mud and scratches, _that was a waste of time._ As soon as they'd gotten into the forest, Professor Kettleburn had separated them into groups. He'd ended up with two gangly Ravenclaws, who'd ignored him for the full four hours. Probably because they had an inclination that whatever the reason he attended those lessons, it wasn't to widen his knowledge of the magical creatures of the world. Lily had been put into another group, and he'd watched her practically skip off without so much as a backwards glance.

As he meandered back up the frost-covered hill, he began to think. He'd made it clear over the years that he was more than a little bit interested in Lily Evans. The whole school knew about it. But nobody, not even his closest friends (although he suspected Sirius had an inkling) knew about his true feelings. He was always pretty guarded with those. Want a pearl of wisdom? Help yourself. A witty remark? He had thousands. But want to know the deepest secrets of James Potter's heart? Sorry, no way, not a chance.

But maybe that's where he'd been going wrong. Lily wasn't the kind of girl to go in for a light-hearted fling, and maybe she needed to know that if he was ever lucky enough to get her, he would never let her go.

He was interrupted in his thoughts for the third time that day, which even by his standards was bordering on ridiculous, by the sound of hurrying footsteps behind him. He turned to see Lily, her red hair streaming behind her, nearly running towards him. He smiled and slowed his pace to allow her to catch up.

"You okay, Potter? Practically ran off as soon as you got out of the forest there! What will you give me to keep this one quiet; the brave Potter scared of the dark for-"

Something in his face must have cut her off. She bit her lip, and looked genuinely concerned. "James, are you okay? I was only joking, I know really, I'm sorry, I should have kept my mouth shut…" She trailed off, and began to turn away, head down.

James reached out and caught her arm, spinning her towards him. He thought he heard a barely audible gasp, but soon forgot as her eyes met his: an adorable mixture of shock, concern and confusion. And, just for a second, James thought he saw a flash of joy, but he dismissed this as wishful thinking. _This is it, _he told himself, _now or never…_

Acting almost without thinking, he slid his hand down her arm, over her wrist and interlocked his fingers with hers. This time the gasp was louder, and her eyes flickered down in an incomprehensible combination of emotions.

"You said, earlier, that I could hold your hand. If I was scared." _Crap, I'm making no sense here. I can't stop now though._

"James…" She began to cut him off, but he held up his free hand to stop her.

"Please. Let me get this out, otherwise I'll never say it." She gave him the smallest of nods, which he took as a sign to carry on, and took a big breath of air.

"The thing is, I am scared. I'm petrified. Every time I look at you, it fills me with fear. Not in a bad way, you're not scary, that's not what I meant. Damn I'm messing this up. What I mean is, every time I see you, it reminds me how I feel about you, and that scares the hell out of me. It scared me that holding on to your hand feels like the safest thing in the world, and yet also the most dangerous. Like I'm in an armchair by the fireplace at the same time as standing on the edge of a cliff, about to fall. It scares me that when I look into your eyes, I want to laugh and cry all at once. It scares me that everything is so contradictory. I want to protect you, yet I want to thrill you too. I want to spend every second of every minute of every hour of every day by your side, but I can't stand to spend another moment with you knowing that I can't be with you. But despite all these conflicting emotions, there must be one exception, because I definitely don't hate you - yet I know I am totally and completely in love with you."

He kept his eyes on the ground, afraid to look up, afraid he'd said too much. He felt a soft hand under his chin, and raised his head. Then all he could see were those green eyes, only a minute ago so filled with concern and sadness now shining with happiness, much closer than they'd ever been before.

Suddenly, before he had time to register what was happening, their lips had crashed together, and they were kissing as if making up for the years of chasing and teasing and rejection. James couldn't recall who had kissed who, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was her lips, so soft and so perfect against his. He wound he hands round her waist and pulled her against his body, and at the same time she unclasped her hand from his and tangled them both in the hair at the back of his neck. He smiled as he thought of her amusement when he had ruffled it earlier; if only he had known then she would be doing it for him in a couple of hours.

He became aware that the kiss was becoming deeper, felt her teeth gently bite on his bottom lip as she dragged it down to gain full access to his mouth. _Where in the name of Merlin did she learn to do that?! _Not that he minded, in fact he responded rather enthusiastically, running his own tongue over her mouth, exploring every inch he could.

Hours could have passed and the two would not have noticed, but it soon became evident that sooner or later they would be in need of oxygen. Their kiss broke apart with a gasp, both of them panting heavily. James kept his eyes closed, unwilling to return to reality in case this had all been a cruel trick of the imagination. But he felt Lily's breath on his face, mingling with his own. He could smell her beautiful smell of almonds and fresh parchment. He felt her press her lips lightly against his, felt her smile against his mouth, and heard her whisper – as if it was a secret meant just for him – the words he never thought he would hear from her.

"I love you too."


End file.
